Jason Bourne: Bourne Again

He may have trouble remembering who he is, but nobody else does. Everybody knows about Jason Bourne. However, he was off the grid for almost a decade and that was making all the government/secret organizations nervous. And so, they kept on creating even more secretive programs with strange codenames like Black beard, Bridgestone, Come out, Larks, Iron ham etc.

Even then, they were no closer to catching Bourne, because catching Bourne is not merely difficult, it is downright impossible! So they recruited that old dude who used to catch aliens for a living, you know, that Men in Black guy… Agent K, right? They actually approached the other, more hip-hop guy first but he was unavailable, something about him wanting to commit suicide.

Anyway, the story begins with the girl who drove Heath Ledger to become the Joker by listing 10 things she hated about him, busy with hacking into the dark web of the internet from some shady underground place. She must have found something absolutely terrible (like my payslip!) because she proceeded to burn the desktop. With alcohol!

And then staying true to the cliché of women not being able to hold secrets, she proceeds to dig up Jason Bourne and reveal the dirty little secrets to him. So basically she was able to do on her own what a covert organization with multiple clandestine programs, all equipped with the latest monitoring and surveillance technology couldn’t do in a decade. Man, she must be a bad ass! So naturally she dies within 30 mins. Oops! Sorry, spoiler alert! Let me back track a bit.

So as soon as Miss Bad Ass reveals the big secret to Jason, he recognizes that it is just going to end badly for them, possibly might even get them killed. And he would know what he is talking about, this is his fourth movie for crying out loud! But being the compulsive mystery solver that he is, Jason knows he will chase this until he gets his answers or at least another movie out this decade and a half old franchise. This will also mean that he will have to cut down on getting beaten up, punched, kicked, spit on, scratched, poked, licked, tickled etc by random sweaty guys while being cheered on by a crazy and noisy bunch of strangers.

The next part came as an absolute shocker to me. I thought this movie was a thriller but this part was so gut wrenching and emotionally heavy that I shed a lot of tears. In Athens, Greece, people are protesting against the government by wasting thousands of bottles of perfectly fine alcohol! They just set fire to the bottles and throw it in every random direction (gasp!!).

Jason was equally shocked and says to Miss Bad Ass “Lets get out of here, baby!” and attempts to ride out of the city on a bike all the while expertly dodging protesting citizens and exploding vodka bottles. They say alcohol and driving do not mix and it is doubly true in this case, especially since there an assassin trying kill our beloved Bourne. Now this assassin is an old dude who is just following orders and is completely different from the assassins in the previous movies who are all slightly younger dudes who are just following orders.

This assassin (referred to only as Asset) shoots Miss Bad Ass dead. Jason gets the fuck out of Athens and lands up in Berlin. Meanwhile we are introduced to the lady who voices the Google Maps GPS Navigation system; ‘In 500 meters, turn left”, “You will reach your destination in 15 seconds” and the best of them all – ‘There seems to be a slight traffic delay ahead’ to describe the above mentioned exploding vodka bottle protest!

Jason calls up some guy in an office and sets up a rendezvous point at a distant location. The next 15 minutes of this movie are about these two, the Asset and a bunch of other agents walking to that location. Seriously, this movie would have been a lot shorter if they had all just hailed cabs!

Jason then stealth modes in via the crowd and kidnaps the office guy right under from everybody’s noses. He interrogates the shit out of him and then indirectly gets him killed while cheating death himself. Yet another cliché is touched upon here – it all comes back to family. Apparently Jason Bourne’s dad is responsible for setting up all these secret programs. This is a pretty common story; some dude fucks up big time, and then four movies later, his kid finds out.

GPS lady is all over the place. She starts off by hacking the hacker, then wants to lead the strike team against Bourne, then advocates talking to him, gets overruled by her boss, proceeds to give a lift to Jason, invites him to Vegas, hacks into the system to get him custom clearance etc, all the while having even fewer emotions than Kristen Stewart from Twilight.

In the meantime, there is the sub plot of a Social Media CEO assuring everyone that his product does not intrude upon the privacy of its users. The product is aptly named ‘Dream On’. But since he didn’t pay enough bribes, he is about to get assassinated. Bourne makes the save however in just the nick of time. He then stealth modes his way into Agent K’s office, presumably to kill him. Only he can’t, so GPS lady does it for him.

Mr Asset is mighty pleased with all this. He finally doesn’t have anyone to answer to and therefore steals a police van… you know, the ones that can probably withstand a bomb blast. He then proceeds to literally plough through traffic causing immense vehicular destruction. The police prove so useless in giving chase that they get left way behind. Mr Asset is feeling so lucky that he crash lands into a casino and tries to win some money. But Bourne will have none of it and kills him after a long fight that also involves a knife against a frying pan. And so, once again, everybody else is dead and Jason Bourne walks away like a Boss.

This movie has everything you would expect in a Bourne movie: the wobbly camera work, a bike chase, car chase, van chase, people getting paid to work with state of the art surveillance being shown up by a guy with a one eyed monocular and of course, Bourne using random objects as weapons like exploding vodka bottles, going up against a knife wielding assassin with a frying pan and the best part – punching a book onto some guy’s face and then exclaiming “I just facebooked you, bitch!”


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