When you are 27 years old, everyone assumes you are married or at least on the way to be married. So when they learn that you are nowhere close to getting married, they are shocked. And then suddenly, everyone is ready with some advice or another. Some of these people mean well but some of them are just idiots with their stupid beliefs that have no logical reasoning behind it. And then there are some who are just plain assholes, but then again, they will always be assholes regardless of whether I am married or not.
So there I was, being the centre of a discussion that I had no idea how it began. Somehow someway, the topic of the day was finding me a girl. What is it about marriage that gets everyone so excited? People you barely talk to are suddenly interested in you ‘finding happiness’. Anyway, there I was, an unwilling participant in a discussion about myself and stuff that I really don’t want to talk about.
“What kind of girl do you want?” one guy asked, getting straight to the point.
“I want someone who gets me and makes me happy.” That was vague, I know. But these kind of things don’t come out of my mouth so easily.
The dudes just looked at each other and started laughing. “We don’t want to hear your pipe dream. What do you really want?”, another one asked.
I realised I wasn’t getting out of this so easily. So I thought I would use some corny line from some movie and hopefully that would get these guys to leave me alone. So I said, “Every time I see her, I should be happy.”
“Bro! I got news for you; once you get married, all other girls automatically become way hotter” the second one declared. “Yeah!” the other two agreed with him enthusiastically.
“And then you wonder if you married the wrong woman” the third one said bringing down the entire happy mood of the gang crashing down to earth. The collective sigh from the trio told me they were all in agreement.
The first guy cleared his throat, looked me in the eye and asked “so, I am asking you again. What kind of girl do you want? What exactly are you looking for in a girl??” I felt like I was in the middle of an interrogation scene – I was ready to confess but I didn’t know what crime I had committed!
I wanted to answer ‘a beautiful girl’ or even a ‘hot girl’ but I had a feeling these guys won’t be impressed by any of that. So I thought about it really hard for a couple of seconds and replied “Boobs. I want a girl with big boobs” and made that hand cupping gesture for added effect.
And then I heard, “Yeah! That’s my man!!” I don’t even remember who said that. They were busy high fiving each other while I just sat there thinking ‘Shoot me. Somebody just shoot me now!’