What Do You Really Want??

When you are 27 years old, everyone assumes you are married or at least on the way to be married. So when they learn that you are nowhere close to getting married, they are shocked. And then suddenly, everyone is ready with some advice or another. Some of these people mean well but some of them are just idiots with their stupid beliefs that have no logical reasoning behind it. And then there are some who are just plain assholes, but then again, they will always be assholes regardless of whether I am married or not.

So there I was, being the centre of a discussion that I had no idea how it began. Somehow someway, the topic of the day was finding me a girl. What is it about marriage that gets everyone so excited? People you barely talk to are suddenly interested in you ‘finding happiness’. Anyway, there I was, an unwilling participant in a discussion about myself and stuff that I really don’t want to talk about.

“What kind of girl do you want?” one guy asked, getting straight to the point.

“I want someone who gets me and makes me happy.” That was vague, I know. But these kind of things don’t come out of my mouth so easily.

The dudes just looked at each other and started laughing. “We don’t want to hear your pipe dream. What do you really want?”, another one asked.

I realised I wasn’t getting out of this so easily. So I thought I would use some corny line from some movie and hopefully that would get these guys to leave me alone. So I said, “Every time I see her, I should be happy.”

“Bro! I got news for you; once you get married, all other girls automatically become way hotter” the second one declared. “Yeah!” the other two agreed with him enthusiastically.

“And then you wonder if you married the wrong woman” the third one said bringing down the entire happy mood of the gang crashing down to earth. The collective sigh from the trio told me they were all in agreement.

The first guy cleared his throat, looked me in the eye and asked “so, I am asking you again. What kind of girl do you want? What exactly are you looking for in a girl??” I felt like I was in the middle of an interrogation scene – I was ready to confess but I didn’t know what crime I had committed!

I wanted to answer ‘a beautiful girl’ or even a ‘hot girl’ but I had a feeling these guys won’t be impressed by any of that. So I thought about it really hard for a couple of seconds and replied “Boobs. I want a girl with big boobs” and made that hand cupping gesture for added effect.

And then I heard, “Yeah! That’s my man!!” I don’t even remember who said that. They were busy high fiving each other while I just sat there thinking ‘Shoot me. Somebody just shoot me now!’


I Am An Alien!

A 27 year old Indian guy should be married. Why? Because society said so. I obviously don’t agree with it because if I did, I wouldn’t be here writing this story. But I belong to a minority group. And over the years, I have been told many reasons why I should get married; from parents, friends, relatives, colleagues, random nobodies etc. Only few of them ever made any sense though, most of them were just rot thoughts passed on through generations upon generations. But then recently, I got one if the best ‘arguments’ yet!

So, I was travelling via train to my home town. I was minding my own business as usual and listening to music. I had every intention of avoiding any sort of conversation with nosy aunties or noisy kids. They get on my nerves easily because unlike other people travelling alone or most of the couples, they don’t keep to themselves and are almost always excessively curious and talkative.

And I was doing a good job of it that day, immersed in my music and leafing through that months Readers Digest. I was pleasantly surprised that there were no kids within my earshot and I distinctly remember thinking that it was too good to be true.

Everyone had finished dinner but were not yet ready to go to sleep. It is that uncertain passage of time where everyone is looking at each other to see who will be the first one to say “do you want to sleep now?”; this is one of those statements paraphrased as a question.

I had cocooned myself away in that sweet oblivion of music, wilfully ignorant of all that was happening around me. But I was rudely yanked out of it when the TTE came to speak to me. He had done his main rounds earlier, now it was time for him to take care of those humble requests passengers make when they want to switch to better seats.  

The TTE politely asked “do you mind moving to another seat sir. There is this family who can be together if you move.” Now I had heard such requests many times before and therefore I wasn’t exactly convinced; so some family wants to stay together during a night of train journey. What, are they afraid to be apart by just a few seats??

Perhaps he could read the skepticism in my face because then he uttered those infamous words, words that went through my soul like a hot knife through butter; “You are the only bachelor here, travelling alone also. You are the only one I can ask and if you exchange your seats, the husband and wife can be together. They will be very happy if you do so.”

Those words took some to get processed in my brain, especially the ‘only bachelor here’ part. Slowly I looked up and around the compartment; all I could were couples and a few old guys. No youngster, guy or girl, was to be seen anywhere nearby. How is that even possible? Dumbfounded and at a loss for words, I realised that the TTE wasn’t kidding, I really was the only bachelor around. I felt like an alien at that very moment.

Dazed and confused, I somehow managed to mumble out a quiet “sure, no problem ” as I quickly picked up my stuff and proceeded to my new seat. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see the grateful faces of the husband & wife but that barely registered in my brain which was Still reeling from the ‘only bachelor here’ part.