So as many of you know already, HIMYM is the story of one Ted Mosby telling his kids the story of how he met their mother. Normally that should be a straight forward process but no, this is Ted Mosby telling the story; a hopeless romantic according to his friends and just plain hopeless to many others. What should have been a simple 10 minute story about how he met his wife and the kids mother is instead dragged out for what feels like eternity.
It’s almost like he is trolling his kids (along with everyone else) as he takes extra care to talk about
- Every relationship he has ever had in excruciating (and sometimes plain awkward) detail. Really you are telling your kids That??!!
- Each and every girl his bro Barney has ever banged but then again, Barney Stinson is Legen…wait for it….Dary!!
- His Best Friends Forever from college and all their crazy & wild adventures together
- The girl he meets at a bar and all her love stories, which surprise, surprise, includes him and his bro as well (don’t worry, they don’t do ‘it’ together at any point of time!).
He goes on & on for about 8 years’ worth of stuff, slyly dropping clues about the Mother in between. An yellow umbrella was made (in)famous. And just when we thought the end was near, he started talking endlessly about the wedding of his best friend and the girl who he just couldn’t stop loving! Each and every second of the weekend leading up to that wedding was covered in painstaking detail.
Finally he meets the mother in 2014. Apparently that’s also the year time machines were invented because from then on the story jumps from year to year until its 2030. The mother has died, most probably because of cuteness overload being bored to death by Ted and his long stories. No idea about Lily & Marshall, although we think they ended up having a kid every 2 years. Barney became a dad……mainly because his condom broke. Robin drifted away from the gang in those years (rumour has it that she joined some international team, called Avengers or something) and lives with dogs now. Also the voice recognition software still has issues recognizing voices in 2030!
Now Ted says the kids prompted him to ask Robin out one more time. He ‘shockingly’ obliges. He thinks of calling her up but that is just too plain drab, not worthy of Ted Mosby! So he goes out and meets her in front of her apartment and he has that old blue French horn in his hand (seriously?! That thing is still around??!! ) Robin gets all teary eyed and Ted is happy. End of story!
This televised ending of this long sitcom left many of its fans bitter and angry. But we managed to recover additional scenes of the final episode. For some reason they chose not to air this but here is what happened next.
Ted goes into Robin’s room. They share a passionate kiss. The dogs look at another confused
Dog 1: dude, who is this creep?
Dog 2: no idea bro, might be our new daddy.
Dog 1: ohh okay then, act nice and wag your tail!
Robin finally breaks out of the embrace and says “Listen, Ted. I am so glad that you came around. I need to go to Uganda for a new ‘assignment’ and I need somebody to take care of the dogs. The dogs love you so you will do it right?!”
For Ted, the romantic mood just evaporated instantly. “Wait, what?! But…we…blue French horn…kissed…”
“Yeah, okay, thanks Bro. You are the best!” And she just rushed out leaving a flabbergasted Ted in Her apartment with Her dogs.
“And that, kids, is how I met our dogs. And adopted them”, Ted says to his children.
“What the fuck, dad! What the actual Fuck!!” Never make a woman angry with a shitty story, Ted…even if it is your own daughter.
“Hey young lady. Don’t take that tone with me.” Ted, telling an angry woman to Not be angry will only make her More angry! I thought you would have known all this by now?!!
“No! Fuck you! And your fucking dog story! Luke, can you believe this crap!?”
Luke had that faraway look in his eyes. “LOL, what?? You were actually listening to this snooze fest of a story?! Haha, I gave up long ago. I was busy getting high on this weed!!”
“Hey, where did u get that??” He didn’t realize his son was getting high right in front of him?! That is just terrible!
“It is right there in your drawer along with all your porn collection. Really dad, ArchiSEXture?!”
“Huh, no. No, that isn’t…mine…” Denial, is an art, my friend. If you are going to deny something, at least do it convincingly. You should have learned this from Barney!
“Yeah right, then whose?! Uncle Barney’s?! That guy is such a prude nowadays. And Uncle Marshall is a Supreme Court judge! He has no time for porn and stuff!!”
“That’s right! But you, dad, you are such a creep! You sat us down to tell the story about how you met our mother, yet all you have done is whine about endlessly about your life and all your romantic failures, all of which are tied to the fact that you are still in love with Aunt Robin! Seriously?! It has been 25, fucking years! Get over it, old man!!”
—– Some time later —–
A morose Ted is sitting in his table, all alone and sad. “So, dogs. Do you want to hear the story of how my kids left me??”
Dog 1: ohh crap, this is going to take another 10 years, isn’t it?
Dog 2: Well at least we won’t be alive for that long!
The Actual End