The Credit Card Call

I always wanted to write but it just never happens. I also wanted a million dollars but that never happens either! Hmm, maybe I should just try my luck in lottery. Anyway, this writing (or the lack of it) always bothered me and I always beat myself over it; no, no, not That way! I beat myself over the fact that I don’t write enough in much more socially acceptable methods like sleeping, tweeting, watching TV, surfing (the net of course), work…no, no, sleeping and did I mention tweeting? And dreaming. I think I am forgetting something, ohh yeah, eating.

So once again, for what seemed to be the millionth time, I was thinking about what to write. I would love to say I am having the writer’s block, but I am not a goddamn writer! Not yet anyway.

While I was clearly on the path of conjuring up an idea for a sure shot best seller, the phone’s ring interrupted my train of thoughts. Damn you, 1409683008 (I had no freaking idea who it was until I picked the call).

I picked up the phone and answered, “Hello?”

Some sweet voiced female responded “hello sir, njan HDFC bank ill ninnum call…

Great! Another call from a bank; as if we don’t get too many of those. I am bored as hell, might as well have some fun with this. So I answered, “I beg your pardon, but yours truly can’t for the life of myself, understand a word of what you are attempting to convey through that delicious voice of yours”. Using ‘big big’ words is a sure shot way of stopping unsolicited calls dead on its tracks.  🙂

I heard an “ayyayyo” from the other end of the line and after a short pause, a guy came on the phone and spoke. “hello sir

I did a complete 180 and lied, blatantly, “thampi, iniki English theriyathu!”    😀

ehh, athinu njan onnum paranjillalo??” For those who don’t understand Malayalam, he was just surprised that I would say I don’t English before he even said anything more than a hello.

enna??” As if I didn’t understand my own mother tongue! This game was getting good.

saar, umm, me Malayalam, you Tamil. Njan call, you pesu. nammal speak” he struggled to convey his point across, picking random words from each language.

enna koduma sir?!!” I then switched over to my best north Indian accent and spoke again “hello, this is his friend. How can I help you?

That guy was still in a Tamil hangover and he replied “Malayalam theriyama?

This was just Too easy to resist “oye, kya bola? Malayalam meri maa?? Ullu ke patte! Punjab teri baap!”  😀

Poor guy had no idea what just happened and he fumbled some more. “ehh?!?!, ayyo saar, I don’t know. Hindi. I don’t know Hindi sir

arre saale! Tumko Hindi maalum nahi hai?? Okay, you know English right?

Of course sir, I passed away with top mark in English!” he emphatically declared! 😮

Struggling to hold my laughter in, I asked “great, so what do you want?

Sir, we are offering credit cards with excellent offers for you

ohh good, I always wanted a credit card” I lied, for the 100th time by now.

You are getting lucky tonight sir” wow, I really don’t think that guy knows what that phrase usually means. I don’t think I can take this anymore. Time to end this or I will end up killing myself.

Yes, I always wanted this card, you know, that gives me the option to…” *dramatic pause and he fell for it*

Yes sir, tell me sir

Yeah, the one that gives me money just because I am keeping it

saar??” his tone betrayed his helplessness about the whole situation.

Yes yes, so in a month I will get like Rs 10,000 just because I own this card. No buying required from my end. Just like that I will get the money. Also I will get free flight tickets every now and then. What is the procedure to get that card?? I am sure it would have sold millions by now, am I right?!

There was silence. “Hello? Helloooo….” Still nothing. Then I heard a click. After that, again more silence. Hmmm, I guess they don’t sell THAT credit card anymore.


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